नसोध, नारी भएकोमा...

एक दिन मलाई शिक्षकले सोध्नुभयो, तिमी नारी भएकीमा कस्तो महसुस गर्छौ ? त्यो बेला सानै थिएँ । मेरो सानो दिमागले केही ठूला-प्रतिष्ठित अनुहारहरू पासाङल्हामु शेर्पा, पारिजात, फ्लोरेन्स नाइटेङ्गल र मदर टेरेसालाई सम्झियो । अनि मस्कुराउँदै भनें, म नारी हनुमा गर्व गर्छु सर ।

अहिले मलाई आफैंसगँ पुन: प्रश्न सोध्न मन लागेको छ, साँच्चै म नारी हुनुमा कस्तो महसुस गर्छु ? उत्तरमा म सम्झन्छु- मानसिक र शारीरिक पीडाबाट दैनिक बच्दै र बाँच्दै गरेका नारीहरू । सम्झन्छु, एसिडले बिगि्रएका अनुहारहरू । सम्झन्छु आफ्नै दाजभाइ, बुवा, काकाबाट लुटिएका अस्मिताहरू । र, सम्झन्छु मदर टेरेसाजस्ता सुपर हिरोहरू । यो अवस्थामा म मस्कुराऊँ या दु:खी बनूँ ? मानसिक द्वन्द्वमा छु । उत्तर खै के दिऊँ आफैंलाई ?

यहाँ नारी हुर्कदै गर्दा बाँच्ने तरिका छुट्टै सिकाइन्छ । पुरुषलाई बेग्लै सिकाइन्छ । नारीलाई नरम, संवेदनशील तर पुरुषलाई बलियो बन्न भनिन्छ । आँसुले नारीलाई शोभा दिन्छ अरे ! तर पुरुष रुनसम्म हुन्न अरे ! नारी भएर जहाँ पायो त्यहाँ हिँड्न हुन्न अरे । पुरुषसँग बोल्ने र हाँस्ने मापदण्डसमेत तोकिन्छ ।

यो २१औं शताब्दीमा पनि एउटी नारीलाई सुरक्षाका निम्ति नानाभाँती सूत्रहरू रटाइन्छ । तर पुरुषलाई नारीको सम्मान गर्नुपर्छ भनी कमै सिकाइन्छ । पुरुष भएर रुन हुन्न भनी सिकाइन्छ, तर उसलाई पुरुष भएर अरूलाई रुवाउन हुन्न भनेर बताइन्न ।

मलाई नयाँ-नयाँ ठाउँहरू घुम्न अति मन पर्छ । घुमिरहेकी पनि हुन्छु । तर जब घर र्फकने बेला अबेला भइदिन्छ, बाटोको भन्दा बढी डर घरकै लाग्छ । घर पुगेपछि आमाले सोध्नुहन्छ, कहाँ गएर आएकी ? समय ठीक छैन, आउने बेला यही हो ? म प्राय: चुपचाप आनो कोठामा आएर बस्छु । कहिलेकाहीँ त सोधिदिन्छु, दाइ ढिला आउँदा केही नभन्ने, मलाई मात्र किन ? जवाफ आउँछ, किनकि, त छोरी होस् नि त ।

संसारमा हामी नारीको संख्या ५० प्रतिशत छ । तर हामी आफ्नो पक्षमा राम्ररी उभिन सकेका छैनौं । आफ्नो हिसाबले बाँच्न, बोल्नसमेत डराएका छौं । गल्ती कसको ? विभिन्न सूत्र सिकाउने यो समाजको कि, आफूलाई कमजोर सम्झिरहने हामी नारीकै ? यतिबेला फेरि म पारिजात, मलाला, मदर टेरेसाजस्ता नारी प्रतिभा सम्झन्छुु अनि हषिर्त हुन्छु । ओठमा मुस्कान छाउँछ र नारी भएकोमा फेरि गर्व गर्छु । तर जब फेरि कुनै अर्की नारीको पीडा खबर बनेर छाउँछ, अनि म निराश हुन्छु । यस्तो बेला लाग्छ, अब मलाई कसैले फेरि अर्को प्रश्न नगरोस्, तिमी नारी भएकीमा कस्तो महसुस गर्छौ ? किनकि मसँग ठ्याक्कै जवाफ छैन ।

कान्तिपुर 'काेसेली'मा प्रकाशित: चैत्र ६, २०७१

Read More

तिमी नहुँदा

यात्राहरु एक्लै हिडौंला
उल्झनहरु आफैँ सुल्झाउँला
रातहरु सम्झी बिताउँला
आँशु सबै रोई बगाउँला
कविताहरु मात्र लेखौंला;
नसुनाउँला
अरु के नै हुन्छ र
'तिमी नहुँदा'. . .

Read More

CAN MONEY BUY HAPPINESS??

"There are no free lunches in the world", often reminds my favorite leader Anand Mishra from The Gen Nep. Well! I have eaten free lunches many a time(laughs). But, with being known, anybody else does pay for it, I must agree the statement is precise.

Then, "Can money buy happiness?" or "Does money or lack thereof, impact how happy we are?". Psychologists, philosophers and common people have been debating this question for years.

Recently, I had an argument about this matter with one of my friend. According to him, " Nobody is happy enough because nobody have money enough." How much that statement is true? I asked him a question for that. "Will you be happy enough if your parents give you a lot of money and didn't care and love you?" In reply he said, "Yes". But, what I know is: If any day, he had to choose between 'a bundle of rupee' and he's 'dear one'; he won't be the one choosing 'a bundle of rupee'.

The richness of my maternal uncle couldn't save my blood cancer-ed sister. No matter how wealthy my neighbor is, he couldn't shroud his only child from bad peers. And, love??

Sahara Bhetwal; one my friend from Bridgewater International College says, "In the end, your brand new phone won't be able to connect you with your lost loved ones. Your ridiculously expensive watch won't be able to reverse time for you to go back and start over."

The best things in life are free of cost. Sometimes, even a single hi/hello from your crush could make you incandescently happy.

You can make money even from broken canyons if you know how to use them. But what if your dreams, hopes or relations are broken; can you mend them same?? But, all these meant, "Money is mere nothing?".

Yes, money can certainly make you happy if you can balance between money and your life. Saying money is nothing in today's vast version of world is like a fox saying,"the grapes are bitter" as the only reason he couldn't have them.

According to the researchers, " The only way money can buy happiness is if you spend it on the people you love, or on the things you want." Else you may not be happy organizing an extravagant party too, or in crowd too; you might find yourself alone.

Do I think that money can buy me happiness?

Yes, in some cases but I will continue to believe that my happiness is not solely dependent on money. Although important, if I had to make do with less, I could simplify my life, and I would still be happy. I am surrounded by family and friends I love and enjoy who have made my life meaningful, purposeful and rewarding. I will continue to enjoy the fruits of my life and hopefully, never ever take all that I have for granted.

Read More

अमर प्रेमिका

तिमी कहिले मर्ने छैनौ
जब एउटा लेखक तिमिसंग
प्रेममा पर्छ
तिमी अमर हुन्छौ
किनकि,
त्यो झरीमा झर्ने थोपा-थोपाहरुसंग
त्यो हावाको झोक-झोकहरुसंग
सपटी मागेकोछ उसले केहि शब्दहरु,
बिउझाएकोछ उसले केहि भावनाहरु,
र उतारेकोछ तिमीलाई पाना-पानाहरुमा
तसर्थ,
तिमी कहिले मर्ने छैनौ
किनकि,
त्यो आकाशको जूनसंगै तिमि दजिएकिछौ
त्यो सुम्धुर धुनसंगै तिमि गुञ्जिरहेकिछौ
त्यो झर्नाको कलकल पानीसंगै बगिरहेकीछौ
र ति सातै रंगका इन्द्रेनिसंगै रंगिएकिछौ
यसरी जीवित बनाएकोछ उसले
भन्  तिमि कसरी मर्छौ ??

Read More

परीक्षा

आई घरीघरी सताउँछ परीक्षा

आधा रातैभरी जगाउँछ परीक्षा

पढ्ने समय तिमी सम्झि बिताए 

ला! नतिजा सुनाउँछ परीक्षा

मलाई किन र के नसोध्नु, कस्तो अनि कहाँ नसोध्नु। जान्दछु म उत्तरहरू; जान्दिन जवाफ दिन। म तिम्रो होइन आफ्नै जिवनको कुरा गर्दैछु॥

तिन घन्टे बसाईमा तिमी मेरो जिवनको परिभाषा दिन तम्सिएका छै। के तिमी महसुस गर्न सक्छै, म कुन हालतबाट गुजरिरहेको छु भनेर? अह! विल्कुल सक्दैनौ। त्यो महत्वपुर्ण तिन घन्टा मेरा जिवनका कहाली लाग्दा क्षण अगाडि महत्वहिन हुन।

पात्र परीक्षा; तिमी भन्दा मेरा जिवनका भोगाईका परीक्षाहरू पृथ्क छन् । म तिम्रा गणित्य सुत्रहरू, पैसाका खेलहरूसगँ दिकदार हैन, लाचार छु आफैबाट अलग्याउन नसकेको अतितसगँ । मैले हिजो पढेका सुत्रहरू खियालागेर मक्किइसके; तर उनीसगँ विताएका प्रत्यक पल सदासर्जिव मेरा जिवनलाई अन्नत अन्नतसम्म मक्याइरहनेछन् ।

तसर्थ, तिमी मलाई ढक्ढक्याउन छाडिदेउ। म नसुन्ने भइसके। म आफ्नै जिवनसगँ हारेको छु । म ति परीक्षाहरू कसरी जीतू ??

Read More

I Choose TO Change. . .

One day, I looked at my life and I knew life simply sucked. I knew I had made bad choices, I wasn't aware how bad or how much was my fault, yet I knew I had played a part in my mess. I looked around and wondered, "How can things get better and is better even possible?" My journey to change is still underway and I expect to be on this journey till I take my last breathe. Yet my journey to getting clear took me several years. How was this possible?

When I embarked on this journey I was not looking for clarity, I did not even think of clarity. Why would I? I knew my issues, right? I was in for a rude awakening. I learned the hard way that I was not in any way aware of where I was. The issues I saw, the pain I felt was just on the surface. I would have to be willing to dig in and get down to the root cause of my repeated mistakes. I needed to understand why I thought as I did, felt as I did, spoke as I did, believed as I did and acted as I did. The truth is I had no idea where to start, all I knew was my life could not continue in the direction it was. Can you relate to this?

I want you to know that I am fighting to create my dreams, to give life to my vision. Everyday I start all over again. Some days I scratch my head wondering how I will do it or what to do next. Yet everyday I do it.

I am working in progress, in fact, every day I learn a bit more and push forward toward my vision of the life I want to live. I can tell you that I am better today than I was.....why? I say this because I am not the same person I was. Emotionally I am stronger. I went from trying to please others to doing what I wanted to do and needed to do. I went from being weak to becoming a warrior. I went from being insecure, to becoming assertive.

Sometimes we look for immediate changes and expect things to go from 0-100 in a blink of an eye. Yet, that way of thinking, of expecting fast results simply keeps us from noticing and appreciating the changes that prepare us for the next phase of our lives. The changes that make us better equipped to move forward.

I chose to change and it took me several years to understand what change meant, who I was, what I wanted and why. If I would have quit out of frustration 'The blogger Sabina Shrestha' would not have existed today...
(wink)

Read More